I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
