Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
