I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
