i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's always time for handjobs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
