I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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