I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
