Screwed.edu
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
