I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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