I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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