For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
