From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
