so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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