He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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