i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
