david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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