Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My dick has a subreddit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
