**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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