I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
