I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
