Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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