he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
