Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
