Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
