The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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