Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
