seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
