is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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