Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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