and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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