VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
