I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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