I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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