For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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