Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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