So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
