we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
