just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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