Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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