My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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