I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
