from now on my penis is your penis
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
