im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
