I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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