so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
