he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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