She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Houston, we have a blender
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
