So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
