forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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