I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
