I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
